WOW. Jess and I had our first Labor Day Weekend here in Wilmington and we entertained his folks, his brother and brother's girlfriend and it was the best time spending it with family. There must've been something in the air though because I got several wedding photography inquiries on Sunday and Monday for folks that got engaged on Friday or Saturday. Patriotism must bring out the romance! So when newly engaged couples approach me for wedding photography packages, they ask me about prices and then almost all of them asked me who I hired for my wedding.

Photographers are one of the first wedding vendors that couples tend to reach out to so for me, a lot of thought goes into  the best custom palette of wedding professionals for each and every couple. I tell each and every one of them to take their time and get to know these professionals because they are the people that bring your wedding together. They are the ones that you spend most of your time communicating with during your engagement and if you love them, you will love being engaged because you will see how easy it's supposed to be despite contrary belief. 

After Jess proposed back in November 2017, I told myself one thing: that I want it to be about the sanctity of our marriage... not about koozies, flowers, dresses, bridesmaid gifts, or any of that tangible mess. I made myself promise to never bring any stress on my family, on my fiance and his family because stress meant that it was forcing something that wasn't supposed to happen.

I know you won't believe me when I say this, the tangible things I spent about three seconds on, the wedding vendors however, I spent forever on. Here is the dream team that helped Jess and I make our day so special and why we chose them. Keep in mind that every one has different taste, different priorities, and different sentimental reasons for making decisions. Keep in mind I was the last of my family to get married and I'm a wedding photographer for a living so naturally, I just wanted to marry my sweetheart and be done with it. Don't feel like you're making the wrong decision just because I wrote a blog post about it.

Not trying to fool anyone here... we aren't the greatest Christian couples out there—we barely make it to church whenever we're home but Jess and I made it clear from the beginning that God is always first and that's why we wanted a spiritual wedding. We didn't want to forget what it was all about in all the glamor that weddings can create. We went to St. James Parrish before we were engaged and felt like it was a church we could connect with so it made absolute sense for us to get married there. Another drive to get married there was for sentimental reasons. My aunt and uncle got married there over 25 years ago and are still happily married and greatly involved with St. James.

Okay, like I said, last one to get married so we had to go all out and let everyone be able to invite everyone so we needed the space to accommodate that! The Surf Club fit the bill after looking at all the venues that Wilmington had to offer. We also loved that it was by the ocean which made perfect sense for us since Jess grew up fishing on the Atlantic and I grew up a beach girl from the OBX.

Jess basically put me in charge of this for obvious reasons (that he was about to have a photographer for a wife) but I promise I kept asking him what he wanted and he seemed to be completely nonchalant about it. So let me tell you, this was the hardest decision to make probably in the whole wedding experience because I loved everyone I talked to. Everyone had their own personality, their own style and their own way of approaching me, a potential client. The problem was that I had to pick one.

I narrowed it down to picking a Wilmington photographer because of three reasons: 1. I wanted to get to know other photographers in the area as Jess and I had just moved here 2. I wanted to support the local Wilmington economy 3. It was my gut instinct to hire someone within a 30-mile radius (I know super silly but go with it). 

When I met Matt, he supported me with open arms since day 1 before I was even engaged. He welcomed me into a photographer's industry and not only encouraged me to network more and more, but he also referred me to business he couldn't take care of personally.  That little bit of compassion went a long way on making a first impression on me.

Let me preface this paragraph by saying that videographers are not required for a wedding—at all. I am just a highly sentimental person and know how fast weddings go by so I wanted a way to literally pause on all of it after it was all over and see everything I missed. There are also some moving memories you cannot capture in photography—as much as I hate to say it as a photographer. It's true.

I ended up finding out about Luke Brown through my wedding planner (I'll get to her after this) and feel so fortunate to have found out about his name. His artistic but romantic style was everything I wanted. You'll see why when you watch the highlight video yourself. 

Amy happens to be the wife of Matt McGraw, our wedding photographer, but I met her separately through a networking meeting before Jess and I got engaged. We hit it off right away because she was so easy to talk to and just like Matt, as welcoming as anyone can be.

So I'm not going to lie to you, I didn't really need her to plan anything—I was in the industry so I knew the motions of wedding planning. I just personally needed her to be there to tie it all together when the weekend finally arrived. My family is so selfless that they would have done everything Amy did, but that's exactly why I hired her myself. I wanted everyone to enjoy themselves and leave all the itinerary action items to her. She not only excelled, she exceeded my expectations. She took care of me like I was her family. She is multitalented so she did flowers, venue set-up, tended to bitty crisis items, and everything in between. 
  

Went with a local lady that does cakes out of her home. Total inside scoop from my aunt who lives here as well. Our priority was not spending thousands of dollars on sugar. This yummy 5-layer bad boy only cost $400 (average is $1,500 for that size). 

Okay, the one vendor I didn't go local on was one of my very good friends from Jamesville, NC who has her own salon called Ultimate Hair by Chelsea. She's one of those people that fits me into her calendar on her day off when I only give her a week notice. That's how sweet she is. I wanted someone I knew well because after all, you hang out with all day when you're getting ready. Of course she's talented too, but I'm already biased there. What's even cooler is that she enlisted some help from another hair stylist I knew. Her name is Fharren, so I felt like we were all friends just chilling on the porch getting pretty.

For anyone that knows me, you would know that I'm just not a makeup person. I splurge on foundation and by splurge it's $50 on something that lasts almost a year. The rest of my makeup is all drug store nonsense. Needless to say, I don't know what I'm doing when it comes to painting on my face. Isla from Flawless Makeup by Isla was a contact through my wedding coordinator, Amy. I had her do a test run with my bridal portraits and absolutely loved how she intertwined both the natural but glamorous look so I knew she was the right fit. I also loved how she went into the wedding day thinking she was only going to work her magic on three or four girls but ended up doing the entire house of girls because everyone loved how talented she was. The even more amazing fact is that she STILL finished on time whilst also making all my sisters, mom, mom-in-law, and aunt feel confident and pretty. Sometimes this isn't always the case with makeup artists because some ladies get traumatized through a makeover that's so intense to the point where they don't even recognize themselves and it actually moves them to tears. That's why I always recommend to my brides to do bridals because it's a test trial with the dress, makeup, hair and you also get to savor feeling like a princess .

We rented the Surf Club intentionally because they included chairs + tables but we wanted to spice up the tables with some pretty linen. I knew one of the owners of the place, Ashley from working at a non-profit event called The Care Project and remembered she worked in the event rental business. She took care of us like we rented out the whole store when in reality, all we got was just a few orders of beige textured linen! 

We had a budget but also had about a 23 minute trip from the church to the Surf Club so we could only afford to transport immediate family and bridal party (Didn't make sense for us to order 16 different Ubers to get everywhere and too risky for them to be on-time). Azalea Limousine Service gave us a great deal after we told them what we could really pay. I think it helped that our wedding was in the off-season though! Brides and Grooms, negotiate! Everyone is always trying to make a buck so it usually ends up being a win-win. 

This was another contact from my aunt who lives here. Lydia doesn't market herself to the public and does word-of-mouth and referral weddings. We feel so grateful to have met her as she had several weddings in one weekend and still made time for us! Her talent coupled with Amy, the coordinator and our close family friends, we were able to put on wedding decor at an affordable cost.

At the end of the day, you are going to get married and that in itself is a treasure to experience. Don't forget to cherish it because after all, it only happens once! (I'm going to be naive and pretend like divorce doesn't exist in this blog post). 


See you lovers tomorrow for Day 16.

Ps. Jess, thanks for letting me broadcast our wedding photos all over the internet. Love you husband!

I get asked what's in my camera bag A LOT! Don't get me wrong, I'm flattered people think I'm knowledgable about tech stuff so I'm happy to offer insight. So I thought today would be a good time as any to do a detailed post about all my gear and what I use for shooting for Day 14 of the 30 work-day blogging challenge.

At the end of the day, it's up to you to do the research and figure out what you are and aren't looking for. The biggest advice I can offer is going to a Best Buy or local camera shop and hold the cameras themselves to see what speaks to you. See how the body is laid out and if it's easy to learn. Figure out what brand you want and stick with it because it's an investment.  You'll want to gradually buy more and it's easier to buy within brand line. Keep in mind the value is behind the lens, not the camera itself. Lenses are versatile across camera bodies and are made to last several through generations of technology upgrades. For a big bang for your buck, B&H Camera is a good place to shop but price compare all over online no matter what, to make sure you aren't getting ripped off. Retail value is inevitable in the shopping process but surcharges can be avoided.


Camera Bodies: I currently shoot on the Nikon D810 for all my work and have a second D810 body as an insurance policy in case anything happens to my main camera body. I also like to have one camera with a long lens and another with a short so I don't have to spend time switching lens out. It's important to have two camera bodies on me especially after booking important jobs. You wouldn't want to have to cut a shoot short because of some sort of technical difficulties. The reason for two of the same cameras is so that the quality and color is consistent across the board for the images I produce. 

85mm f1.4: The 85mm was the first lens I ever fell in love with and in turn started my obsession with manual shooting a few years ago. When I first purchased it, it didn't come off my camera for months. Even though I have a variety of lenses to choose from, the 85mm is my go-to for portraits because it allows me to not be on top of the person for the up-close look and occasionally for shooting on location when the background is too busy and I need to blur it up a bit to give it that finished look.

35mm f1.2:  The 35mm is another great all-rounder lens for me—it's one step away from being a macro lens so it really gets the wide angle look without the price tag. I find that this lens is on my camera the majority of the time. I love shooting with portraits with it (as unconventional as it may be). The 35mm is sharp 95% of the time, even when you shoot with a wide open aperture of 1.4. I only shoot with a wide aperture for personal work, and usually bump up the aperture to 2 or more when shooting for clients.

24-55mm f1.4: This wide angle lens is a compelling wide-angle perspective combined with an ultra-fast f/1.4 aperture that serves the needs of demanding photographers in exacting conditions like weddings where time is of the essence. This is my 3rd most used lens. It also has VR compatibility so I am able to do some video footage if needed.

70-300mm f4-5.6: This telephoto lens is obviously good for situations where you need to zoom in from a stationary spot. Example, churches with strict photography policies and you gotta prop up in the back and get all the action at the front.

55-300mm f4.5-5.6: More flexibility in this telephoto lens with the extra 15 mm compared to the 70-300mm, and it's also good when you don't want to start out with so much zoom while on shoot.

Speedlight SB- 900: First off, I tried to buy the 910 but with it being ~$800 for one flash, the SB-900 is next best thing. This bad boy has so much lighting power that sometimes you could mistaken a dark day with sunshine just from the light this flash provides. I use this flash on body as well as remotely for strong backlight. ~$300

Speedlight SB-700: Great option when you don't need so much power or light, but just enough to avoid unwanted shadows. This flash also provides a great option for remote flash lighting. ~$350

Induro Tripod: as tiny and insignificant as it looks, this guy is actually well over $400 on a good day —these suckers aren't cheap but they are quality and its sturdiness and light weight will outnumber any other competitor tripods out there. I've been in some sketchy terrain situations and this tripod has never let me down. *Knock on wood.*

D12 Multi-power Battery Pack: Batteries have one constant. They will die. So yes, battery packs are a huge plus. Again, this luxury isn't cheap at ~$425 but it can save your neck. It also offers the option to shoot portrait without having to cock your head sideways.

Memory Cards (not pictured): With long days of shooting, comes a lot of pictures, like thousands so it should come as no surprise that you should invest in several memory cards.  Most of my CF cards are either 16 GB or 32 GB Rugged (temperature and shock resistant). I keep them small to force myself to change out often for a liability reason. The idea of having all my photos on one card gives me so much anxiety if something were to ever happen to them. Card Corruption is a very real occurrence and has even happened to my second-shooters from weddings. If you have a shoot with less pressure, it's good to have a large SD card to allow you a full day of shooting, come home and download and go back to work and not worry about deleting right away. The provides you the comfort of having the original copies until you have the time to double check and make sure that all the images downloaded correctly.

What I take with me. Now, all this gear is super heavy and not always needed for every single shoot. Depending on what I am set out to work on for the day, I pick and choose the gear I need to take with me for the day. The gear that is always in my camera bag includes: 2 camera bodies, all my camera batters + memory cards and all the little extras such as water and food. The gear that I pick and choose what to take with me include: lenses and speedlights. The majority of the time I only take 2 or sometimes 3 lenses that I might need for a day instead of all them, so I don't strain my body when I have to walk around with my camera bag. With all the equipment, it can easily feel like 50 pounds after 5 minutes. After every wedding with two cameras on my body, I always wonder how I'm going to survive it when old age sets in. Between being on your feet for 8 plus hours and carrying 25-30 pounds on you— It's a very physical job so it's important to drink LOTS of water and get a good night's sleep.


Okay, I know that was a lot of words for a picture world so let me know if you have any questions about gear. There's no silly questions either—you don't know if you don't ask.


I know y'all are happy it's Labor Day Weekend so go enjoy it! I will check back in on Tuesday with Day 15 of the 30 work-day blogging challenge.

After yesterday’s blog post I opened up the floor to what today’s blog post should be about. According to the survey, y'all seem interested in what my typical day is like. Y'all— I'm really not that interesting but this question was asked several times so I'm not going to deprive you of your wishes. Keep in mind, I never have the same day twice so this is a rough timeline:

6:30am | Wake up and hit snooze (once or twice admittedly).🤷

7:00am | Actually wake up, feed Belle, drink coffee, and watch the Today show for news and weather. 📺

7:45-8:15am | Answer e-mails from my photography and graphic design e-mail accounts (Yes, I have separate emails for both to better keep up with my separate clients and I have that many to go through that it takes all of 30 minutes). 💻 

8:15-11am | Jam to loud music from Spotify and carefully edit + retouch photos from recent photo sessions or weddings. 🎧
 
11am-12pm | Graphic design work for small businesses I help on a regular basis. 💭

12pm-12:30pm | As marketing director for Rooster's Southern Kitchen, I'll screen for negative feedback to relay to management and respond to positive reviews on Google, TripAdvisor, Yelp + Facebook. 🐓

12:30pm-2pm | Eat lunch (usually dinner leftovers) and do one thing that helps promote my business, i.e. post an ad, print materials, work on blog, etc.🍴

2pm-5pm | More photo editing (I have to spread it out throughout the day so I don’t drive myself crazy because it can get tedious after several hours. For perspective, an 8-hour wedding takes about 16 hours of editing). 📷 Here's my favorite photo I've edited today so far. The color + vibrance reminds me to stop and smell the flowers, literally and metaphorically.

5pm-5:30pm | Work on blog content or schedule a post on social media for my clients and/or myself.

5:30pm | Orange Theory Fitness class or an evening photoshoot depending on day.🏃‍♀️

6:30pm | Grocery store run since store is next door to gym🥫

7-8pm | Shower + Cook dinner. Let's be real, Jess is the master chef and I'm the sous chef. Tonight we're having short ribs, sautéed squash zucchini and onion and mushroom risotto.  🚿

8pm-10pm | Eat and watch Parks and Rec with my husband (Don’t judge us. We like having something funny to watch at the end of the day and neither of us had ever seen it so we started the season together).😂

For today’s self-promotion project (that occurs every afternoon), I started on making some more soft-copy portfolio books to give to potential clients with small businesses in Wilmington. This is a culmination of both my photography + graphic design skills. My goal is to bring these books to small boutique clothing businesses looking to gather lifestyle or product content for their websites, blogs, social media posts, and social media advertising. Those of you that have a small business probably know how important it is to stay relevant to your fans online so by having a whole lineup of professional photos on standby takes almost all the work away for you in the social media realm. You just figure out what product(s) you want to promote that day and roll with it. I got about halfway done with this 20 page portfolio. MY goal is to have this sent to printers by labor day weekend. Crossing fingers.🤞 Down younger is a couple of teasers for you:

To sum it all up, I sit in this desk chair for about 8-10 hours a day and my goal is to get up more often to walk and stretch. We all know sedentary lifestyles aren't good for you so why do we continue to do it?

For tomorrow's blog post, I'm going to talk about all (okay most) of my bad habits so you know I am just as human as you are.

Last Friday, I wrapped up Day 3 of the 30-Workday Blogging Challenge with the question: How does my hearing loss affect my job, much less my everyday life? I promised some embarrassing stories that I’ve accumulated over four years that are a direct result of my hearing loss. My top five is the time I walked in on a half-naked couple in a photo booth...(they weren't taking photos so the flash wasn't going off so I didn't think anyone was in there). Needless to say, they quickly got dressed and ran out... so I ran in and stayed until I stopped blushing. I probably could have avoided moments like this if I could hear. I would've heard kissing sounds or something, but nope, instead I got some PG-13 action at a high-dollar wedding venue instead. 

Here’s the abbreviated version of the rest of my top 5 stories. (All my client names are going to remain anonymous because like I said: it’s embarrassing).

1. In the winter of 2016, I was photographing at a small country club wedding outside Charlotte, North Carolina. The bride and groom wanted to get ready at the “locker rooms” of these clubs, which are basically bathrooms for senators with toilets, showers and changing space all in one room. When it came time to capture the groom getting pretty,  I knocked on the men’s locker room door and didn’t hear anything. Assuming they were distracted and getting boutonnieres on, I just let myself in. Thinking the men's powder room was a similar setup to the ladies—they were in fact the opposite as the men's stalls were right where you walked in. Let me tell ya—it was stinky in there! The grooms friends were laughing and I heard a stern voice from the middle stall:  “Be right out!” I was so caught off guard I actually said “Shit, take your time!” I’m not even the type of person to cuss much less accidentally make a connotation about poop while the man is making a brown egg. 

2. Usually before every wedding, I finalize wedding day itineraries but sometimes little details get left out, like *After formal family photos, we want to do bride+groom photos across street on the beach on a random property then ride over to reception which is also at the beach 2 miles away.* so when they told me, “Let’s do our photos at the beach” after their family photos, I just assumed they meant the beach where their reception was. In hindsight, they said something like the Beckham cottage, but the lightbulb never went off that I didn’t hear them right. Instead, I speed out of the church and hurry to find a parking spot at the reception so I can meet my second-shooter and prepare for their arrival. After about 30 seconds, someone in the family says “Hey, that was fast, weren’t they doing photos with you at the beach?” After connecting the dots, I ran back to my car and back over to the church and see them across the street on beach side looking for me. I was flabbergasted in how I could have messed up so badly, but you live and you learn right? Now I’m extra thorough and ask all the detailed questions in a pre-wedding questionnaire.

3. In the summer of 2017, I booked a 20-person sunset session with a large family I didn’t know. One of the daughters had e-mailed me a few days prior saying there was a divorce in the family and to not ask her mom and dad to be photographed together. Her dad was in town for one night so they could get a family photo taken together. Come the day of portraits, I introduce myself to three different sets of grown-up couples and their children and I misheard the names so what did I do? I asked the mom and her ex-husband to give me a big fat kiss. Well, that tension could have been sliced with a dull butterknife. The mom turned plum red but I promise I was a shade darker.

4. This story is from two weeks ago when I was meeting a potential bride and her mom at a local coffee shop. I had rushed out of the house and forgot my purse, which carries my extra implant batteries. I didn’t think anything of it until my cochlear implant dies halfway through the meeting with them. Trying to win them over and gain their business, I proceeded to rely on lip reading for the next 20 minutes. I just asked them a lot questions so I would always know what the context was. I was scared that that if I told them what was going on, that they would wonder: “What if she shoots our wedding and her implant dies during it and she forgets her batteries and she won’t be able to hear anything. Is she responsible enough?” They are so sweet though so I should have given them the benefit of the doubt. All that lip-reading worked though, I’m happy to report that I’ll be photographing their wedding this Fall with a camera bag full of extra implant batteries.

Having significant hearing loss brings embarrassing moments, sure, but they eventually become great dinner table stories. Having a sense of humor about things like that is SO important if I don’t want to crawl into a dark hole and stay there.  On the same token, my imperfections also helps me in my job sometimes—especially during weddings with a lot of drama or in photoshoots involving divorced couples. The oblivion to the details that most people would get from eavesdropping sometimes helps me stay uninvolved and provide a sense of nonchalance and carefreeness. My oblivion to the temporary reality seems to sometimes helps people feel normal despite their insecurities and worries.

Yes, I wear a hearing device that help me hear so much better, but they aren’t human ears—I don’t hear everything and and I sure don't hear everything perfectly. Because of that, it took me a long time to get over being socially self-conscious about the side effects of my imperfections. My confidence has grown to the point where I’m telling the world about my hearing loss on this blog but there are always days where I wonder what it’d be like to be following along conversations with graceful effort. My husband has asked me why I'm always more tired than him after events and I tell him “Because I have to work harder to listen and make sure I don’t say something completely out of context.” He usually replies with a sweet laugh “It’s usually so funny though Helen, don’t even worry about it.” I literally have wrinkles on my forehead from concentrating so hard on conversations in the last 27 years but I’m just so thankful I can even be a part of conversations. Technology has enriched my entire life and has allowed me to hear my husband and my family say the three most beautiful words in the English language: I love you. One man is responsible for that...Thank you  Dr. William F. House, the inventor of the first cochlear implant for braving skepticism and trial and error to restore a vital human sense. Essentially, his invention has restored the quality of life for 324,000 people and counting.

So the question of the day: Would I hear you and turn around if you were standing here in the office with Belle and me? Yes. I'm hard-of-hearing, not oblivious. Some days I actually forget that I’m 90% deaf but then little things happen and I’m like oh yeah, my ears don’t work. I have embraced it as a part of who I am and even introduce myself everywhere I go as “Helen... like Helen Keller” because well... I AM almost deaf and have -2.25 vision in both eyes so I basically am Helen Keller. Only not as accomplished since I can’t communicate through sign language or read Braille so definitely not as decorated as her but that’s by personal choice. ​

Let me first say, every hearing impaired child is different— they can have different reasons for hearing loss, different audiograms, different parents, different schools, different lifestyles, different resources, different decisions so every outcome can be unique for each person with the same diagnosis. So for those of you that have hearing loss or have family members with hearing loss, know that you need to take this post with a grain of salt. This is not a success story or a horror story, it’s just story that happens to be mine.

December 1990 was a big month for me—coming into the world and all. A couple months later, the whole chicken pox incident happened.  Mom and Dad say it was pretty bad but of course I don’t remember. It was life-threatening but my immune system won that battle. However, the pox was strong enough to eradicate the hair cells in both ears leading to a progressive loss of hearing over the next six years. This was before hearing screening tests were required for small children so my parents didn’t think too much of my slow response and development as an infant. They were trying not to compare me to what society thought was normal. Then one day, a family babysitter took my brother, sister and me to a parade and noticed how soundly I was sleeping during a marching band performance —triggering some red flags and an eventual conversation with my parents. By the time I was a year old, my young parents had to make a life-changing decisions while working and raising three young kids:

1. How were they going to treat my hearing loss?
2. Was I going to do sign language or learn cued speech?
3. Where was I going to go to school?

They decided to move to Kill Devil Hills on the Outer Banks because the schools there were supposedly excellent for an Eastern NC town and the undeveloped beach town was ripe with business opportunity. They tried supplementing my residual hearing with hearing aids for a few years but my language and speech development remained stagnant and unprogressive. By the time I was eight,  Mom and Dad decided it was time to try cochlear implants. Because I had “too much hearing,” I was considered a guinea pig for this surgery. Until me, doctors at UNC-Chapel Hill had only performed surgery on individuals that were more deaf than me.

For those of you who don’t know— a cochlear implant is an electronic medical device that was invented in the early 80’s, that helps mimic the function of normal hearing. Unlike hearings aids, which amplify sound (make sounds louder), cochlear implants do the work of the damaged parts of the inner ear (cochlea) and provide sound signals to the brain.  There is a tiny receiver that is surgically placed under the skin in a bony part behind the ear that also has a magnet attached to it. On the outer surface of the head, the individual wears a microphone that harnesses the sound from the environment and transmits the sound as a signal to the tiny receiver underneath the skin and sends the signals down a flexible man-made fiber that’s connected to the cochlea that helps tell the brain: “Hey you just heard that.” I know that sounds terribly scientific and complicated—perhaps a visual video could help explain things better than I can…  I practically failed Bio 101 at Carolina for a reason, your girl is not science-brained AT ALL— so don’t be embarrassed if you have no idea what I Just said. Just know, technology is amazing and I’m genuinely grateful to be born when I was and to be born into my incredible family.


Long story short, technology, my family and my speech therapists have helped me feel as “normal” as I do. My family was a testimony of patience as there was not one single person on the Outer Banks that had my type of hearing loss or cochlear implants when I was growing up. They didn’t have other parents to talk to, there weren't facebook community groups, cochlear counselors, nothing —they had to figure it all out on their own. They eventually introduced me to an incredible speech pathologist named Kathryn Wilson and she literally changed my life. She and her husband even came to Jess and I's wedding this year because she means that much to my family and me. During the language development days, Kathryn helped me identify the way words were supposed to be spoken. Because of my time with her coupled with patient teachers and modern technology, people tell me almost every day “Wow, you don’t have any deaf speech.” Hearing the shock behind their voice when they say this always amuses me. The reason I don’t have “deaf speech” is because I can hear myself well enough and auto-correct my voice.  My husband and mom both say I have a very slight deaf speech and talk more quietly when I take my implant out—which makes sense because I can’t hear myself.

So how deaf am I? Well, let me put it this way, I will enjoy sleeping peacefully at night for as long as I can until babies maybe come into the picture. Until then, my poor husband will wake up every morning to a vibrating alarm clock (click here for a photo of it) that shakes the bed to wake up us both.  That is usually the only time in an average day that I think about the silence around me. Sure phone conversations, loud restaurants and parties are more challenging to me but that’s just part of it—I just tell folks my situation so they know I’m not being a b*tch and ignoring them and people tend to adapt politely.

From my first surgery in 1997 until 2011, I wore a body-worn processor... You'll see it next to my right breast in the above photo from my Camp Trinity days in 2007. I called it my third boob. Technology has evolved significantly in the last ten years that it has drastically changed my lifestyle for the better.

In the Summer of 2011, I had surgery for a second implant on my left side and with that came more modern technology. The one you see in the above photo is called a B.T.E (Behind-the-Ear) cochlear implant. Having the ability to not wear a special bra, not have three boobs and be able to hear was an incredible milestone for an awkward and socially-growing twenty-one year old. It was my first semblance of independence to be able to wear a bathing suit and continue to have conversation. It's the little things that make this beach girl happy.

In the present day, I get goosebumps thinking about how much my life has changed since 1997. Now I wear a magnetic Med-El Rondo that is completely wireless on my head and away from my ears. This device change was crucial for me because my ears would get so sensitive and sore after long hours. Wearing my glasses with my B.T.E. was unheard of because it felt like 10 pounds were sitting on my ears. Being the active person I am, the B.T.E and its batteries could not sustain the sweat I was producing from my workouts. (Sweat weirdly sits around my ears versus in the top of my head). Don't ask me why.

In a nutshell, God knew what he was doing when he gave me a 'fro during puberty so I could cover up my implant even though I have nothing to hide. Sometimes it seems like it would be easier if people saw the implant and would immediately understand that I don't hear well versus having to explain it. But I like feeling like a normal person in society because I am a normal person. Drawing attention to myself is not my cup of tea because that's how my personality is but I'll talk about it any day of the week if you ask. Nothing you ask me can offend me.

So with all that said, it should make sense that I’m in a visual industry. My ears don’t work so I use my eyes.

Tomorrow’s Blog Post: “How do I make a living doing just photos?” Well that’s the thing, I don’t. There’s more to what I do than just photography. I just didn't really broadcast it… until today.

#30dayblogchallenge

 Wedding Date: Saturday, December 3, 2016
Wedding Location: Isla Mujeres, Mexico
Wedding Venue: Zama Beach Club

Let's start with the reality of this: Sheldon and Alex's wedding was the first wedding I've ever been in as a member of the bridal party. I've been a reader and greeter in times past and while it's very special— it's not anywhere near the same kind of participation as being right by the couples' side. But maybe this wedding was a little different because I was so involved in the planning process—I felt like I was getting married too. I wanted everything to be perfect for my big sister and when the day finally arrived, I was hiding the fact that I was a nervous wreck because butterflies can be contagious.

Here's how my mind was going through the ceremony:
YES I didn't trip walking down aisle. Thank you baby Jesus. Oh jeez, the photographer is right there, do I look stupid? Wow are all these people looking at me...Do I have a hunchback? Shoulders back Helen. Wow, Sheldon's bouquet feels like a ton of bricks. Don't fidget with that dead petal. Oh jeez, Sheldon's voice trembled. Don't cry. Don't cry. The tissue is soaked by the flower stems. Don't cry. My big sister is getting married. Wait, did I stage the train of the dress? What's Alex feeling right now? Is that sweat or tears on his face? Haha, my brother winked at me. He is sweating so hard right now poor thing.  How are Mom and Dad? Dad's focusing hard on the two of them. How's my sweetie? Smile at him. It's his birthday today. Is he enjoying himself? Jeez I don't even know what he's wearing—haven't seen him all day. Wait Helen focus. listen, because after all, this only happens once.

The mind is a crazy thing. Not sure if this happens to every bridesmaid, but I vividly remember thinking about all this.

Then after the wedding, that's when the photographer gets to work with the formal photos. The sun was setting so there was maybe 15 minutes of good light—that meant family photos PLUS photos of the bride and groom by themselves. I was trying to not be that person to micromanage the photographer, but also help with things like ("Hey guys, put your hands in your pockets.") When it was all said and done though, we realized we forgot photos with some very important people in our family. For awhile I blamed myself, because I was in charge of finding the photographer, but in the end it wasn't anyone's fault. We were all in the the chaos of getting through the photos and there was only so much time.  So here's seven things that I learned:

1. Organization: Weddings are being planned till the last possible minute sometimes. Sheldon and Alex's photographer was asking for the wedding day itinerary almost four months in advance. While we appreciated the organization, it was a little overwhelming considering we still hadn't even mailed out the invitations yet. Even with all the organized conversations the photographer pursued, we still forgot photos with family members. 

What I learned: I will try to always be lenient with my couples about the wedding day itinerary. I understand that the only constant is change but itineraries are a way for us to know what will be happening when and to not miss anything under a crowded tent. One thing you can also control, is the list of family members that you know you want to have photos with. Not only does a list help avoid awkward lag time, it helps avoid awkward family dynamics. 

2. Details: The photographer was told to get photos of the guests getting on the ferry that went to the wedding ceremony site. (The island was too big to be able to get to ceremony quickly by walking, but too small to have enough taxis to take everyone to ceremony).  We basically paid the photographer to be in a car for about 30 minutes because we wanted this ferry detail. In hindsight, it may have made more sense to get more photos during reception.

What I learned: I am continually going to recommend my couples to think about the in-between time, otherwise known as my travel time between getting-ready places, wedding, and reception. Once, I photographed a wedding where the bride and groom were getting ready in places 15 minutes apart and I only snapped maybe 20 rushed photos in each place before needing to get to the wedding venue. Perhaps that's enough for the couple, but there's the added stress of making sure my car doesn't break down, my GPS doesn't falter, getting the boys dressed two hours before the wedding, etc. Forty photos could be a little better so you can get those family photos you could potentially miss after the wedding, or that sweet laugh between the groom and dad. When you're rushed, you have less time for candid moments. 

3. Leave Plenty of Time + Pay Your Vendors BEFORE Wedding: So it was three bridesmaids, the bride and the mom and we started getting ready at 9am on Sheldon and Alex's wedding day, and we still arrived at the ceremony site 15 minutes before wedding (not planned). We also had to figure out payment for the makeup and hair ladies while we were trying to get out the door... adding unnecessary stress to the bridal party. 

What I learned: Hair and makeup people will tend to relax more when there is a smaller bridal party, so they take longer per person sometimes. Regardless, I will now recommend brides to communicate a finish time very clearly to leave time for photos before wedding (if desired) and traveling to ceremony site. There is nothing wrong with being ready too early. Gives you time to get that fireball whiskey shot to calm your nerves. Ole! 

4. Expect something to go wrong/or not according to plan: Like most weddings, we had a rehearsal the morning before the wedding day at a certain waterfront location. When we showed up 15 minutes before the wedding, I was trying to set up a video camera and realized our ceremony site wasn't where it was supposed to be. The wedding planner made a last minute decision to set the chairs up at another location nearby, albeit a better place, it still led to one of those "holy crap, where are the chairs?"  moments. My sister was trying not to panic that she couldn't get her engagement ring to fit on her swollen finger  and my mom was about to hurl from car sickness from the bumpy drive over. 

What I learned: I learned how nervous you get regardless of what role you play in a wedding and this allows me to empathize even more with my bridal parties even more. I can tell them that something will go "wrong" ahead of time, but it's all about how you respond. I'm going to try to communicate that it WILL be okay. Everything will be okay. You will get through that gospel reading or that walk down aisle without tripping, and you'll be husband and wife before you know it.

5. Smile: Sheldon did a wonderful job smiling because it was natural for her. This was it for her...She knew she was gaining a new family in a few short moments.  Alex gave her a big 'ol smooch at the end and had the biggest grin afterwards. (I only know this based on looking at photos afterwards. My view of them was blocked a bit because they were turned away from me.) Then there's me. I kid you not, there is not one single photo where I'm smiling. In fact, I look like I was blackmailed to be there. Some others in bridal party did the same. It's actually quite hilarious....

What I learned: Whether you're a bridesmaid, groomsmen, or the couple in the spotlight, don't forget to smile. Don't forget to hold hands. I've actually photographed weddings where the couple is a foot apart the entire time. That may be what you want, but most likely, you aren't going to frame those. Most likely. 

6. Hire an Event + Floral Designer + Wedding Planner: Okay, I know money is factor for a lot of weddings. We all have budgets, it's just a matter of what you prioritize. But here's what I still can't believe....My type-A mom actually enjoyed getting ready with us in the condo room. I love that she's a hard worker, but I was so happy to share this memory with her. The groomsmen weren't setting up the venue hours before the wedding. We didn't have to worry about where napkins went and silly details like that. Goodness gracious, it was a day to be enjoyed and it was made possible because we had an event and floral designer and a wedding planner. Renee Landry + Cindy Smith. We literally didn't have to do any set up, clean up or micromanaging with vendors. These women did EVERYTHING. They even sent a staff member to go buy rice in town when a guest dropped their phone in the water. God bless them.

What I learned: Encourage couples to hire event designer +coordinator. Skip out on those party favors, or extra tables to pay for an hour of help even. I have gone to weddings early to check out venues and I'll see the maid of honor and the mom up to their elbows with tape trying to put that last decoration together. I've also seen couples stay behind after reception to help clean up. Is it worth it to save the money? Do you want your last memory of wedding to be cleaning beer cans?

7. Be thankful + Keep Perspective in Check: Even though we forgot some photos, and I wasn't smiling during wedding, I keep thinking one thing. We're so lucky to have all of it captured. Our parents generation maybe only had 20 photos of the whole day. Susan Pacek did an amazing job capturing all of the details and emotion that poured into the wedding. 

What I learned: I couldn't believe how relieved I was that someone was there to capture this whole day. I felt so thankful for her documentation. For all my photographer friends: Never capture a loved one's wedding day. Enjoy it. I have too heard one too many times that they get suckered into capturing a loved one's wedding —They might say they enjoyed it, but really though, the pressure is on them. 

Congratulations again to Sheldon + Alex! Thank you for allowing me to be a part of this special day.

Thanks for reading...
xoxo,
helen